Approval seems doubtful, why wait for the council?
We’ll teach him ourselves – why can’t we teach him ourselves?
Earnest, I have some terrible news that is both quite shocking yet true
Seems our prodigious son has gone out dancing with the other ones
And now he endorses their views
I implore that we address with most seriousness this advocating of the faux
‘Cause once those flyover freaks get a grip inside of a weaker mind
They tend not to let go
We found him in the dirt, aged six without a shirt
Living in a box in Morningside Park
Ole’ girl, you must not worry yourself by overreacting with fear
May it be the sin of the youth to walk crooked paths to the truth–
When it’s not unmistakably clear?
Dear Penelope, I need not remind you’ve had these lingering doubts before
That he’d ever put down that orange ball
And spend more time at Schermerhorn Hall-
That he’d ever open up that door
To which we provide the key through our benevolence and our charity
And the boy didn’t let us down any of those times
Earnest pick up the den phone! Summon Rabitowitz, Shays, and Jones
And leak a word to Lowell Waters at the Times through his private line
It’s most important we use his private line
(We don’t want to make any noise)
‘Cause Steven has gotten too high, Steven has gotten too high
We need not deliberate as to the reason’s why
While he’s out there in the danger zone
Yes, Steven has gotten high, Steven has gotten too high
We have to shield him from his own lies
Before he causes us more embarrassment, social harassment:
14,574,060 smirking “I-told-you-so’s”
We’ll save him from himself
And in time he’ll be most grateful for our help
And the boy will not let us down the next time
Earnie don’t be so naïve!
There’ll be no grand redemption for our Steve!
His reputation must be discredited so thoroughly
That there can be no time for deeper discussions
No, there can be no time for any thoughtful retorts
There must be no latent time for social preemption
We’ll play the role of victims fine
‘Cause Steven has gotten too high, Steven has gotten too high
He’s stumbled into the ideological abyss
Where his burning voice undermines our cause
Oh, Steven has gotten truth (no, wait!)
Steven has gotten high, Steven has gotten too high
He is not advocating creeds per-approved by our cocktail friends
It’d be embarrassing, should they ever catch wind o’ this thing:
6,217,020 rolling-eyed “You-should-have-known’s”
